An update?

So it's been awhile since I have been here. It's really been a bit rough on me this year so far both with personal issues (grandpa dying) and health concerns. I had to google this morning why drinking water and hunger are causing me heartburn. Turns out this isn't uncommon and can signal the presence of GERD. I am going to try some diet changes before I start taking a medication for it. It's really a rather unpleasant feeling.

I sent in a request today to get an appointment with the reproductive endocrinologist in Iowa City to see about getting my PCOS back under control. It's really running me right now which I am sure is not helping my MS either. They seem to feed off (no pun intended) each other a bit.

I spoke with a nurse from my Complex Care program this morning and she was really helpful. My biggest struggle is not really knowing what to expect from my body these days. Apparently fatigue is just always going to be there. Hopefully eating better and getting some exercise will help it out. Gotta start somewhere!

Things are finally slowing down a bit in my life. Most of the busy church activities have stopped for the summer so I have some breathing room in my schedule now. Hopefully I can use this extra time this summer wisely. We'll see. My 5th wedding anniversary is in September and I would really like to get to a point where I feel better about myself and my health.

I started taking Copaxone instead of Rebif for my MS. It might seen crazy to go to a daily shot but these already seem better. They don't burn during the injection and it only hurts for about an hour after the shot. Plus my skin isn't freaking out like it did with the Rebif. So I no longer have big red patches all over my body which is a plus. The side effects aren't as bad and I don't have to take any medications to help with side effects of the Rebif. So, all in all, I think it was a good switch. I don't really even mind doing a shot daily though sometimes it's a pain. I have it in my phone to remind me each night so I don't forget. The supplies themselves are much easier to keep in a pretty Thirty-One zipper pouch instead of hauling a great big bag around all the time.

Hopefully I am going in the right direction. Only time will tell!

I'll Be Missing You!

My grandpa passed away last Friday and it's hard to believe it has almost been a week since he's been gone already. I will really miss him but am glad that I got the opportunity to see him one last time before he passed.

Here is the link to his obituary. I will post more on my thoughts about officiating the funeral at a later time when I have more time.

Grandpa's Obituary

Making Goals - better late than never

I am working on some goals (not resolutions mind you) for this year and onward. I have let myself go far to far away from where I was doing so well. These will be refined and added to as I go along. I need to come up with some more short term goals as most of these are more long-term.

Track my food daily on WW


Walk at least three times a week

Drink more water (at least 6 8oz servings)

Take my medications as directed

No soda

No fast food

Eat out no more than once per week (and make good choices)

I know I can do all of these things. I have really been trying to seek out God's will in my life and I have no doubt that He wants me to be healthy. I can't serve him appropriately if I am not feeling well. So, here goes nothing. I am probably going to screw up some before I really get a handle on it, but trying is the main point. Prayers are welcome!

A Year in the Life of Me!

Here is a look back at the year of 2011 in the life of me. It has been a pretty interesting year for sure. It's hard to believe the major life changes that have happened. I remain happily married to a wonderful man and am so blessed by his presence in my life. Here is a month-by-month break down of the year of 2011:

January: In January I saw a wonderful MS specialist in Des Moines, IA and was officially diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. I did really well through the appointment keeping my emotions in check. And he said that my prognosis is good as I don't have a lot of the common symptoms that occur with MS (muscle weakness, falling, etc.). I cried when we got back the car. I think I had been holding out hope that it was something other than MS.

February: We finally settled with the car insurance folks from the accident in Feb 2009. Hard to believe it took so long but they were stubborn about the amount up until the last day practically. I didn't feel like I had a real chance at taking it to court due to the MS and past injuries. But I was able to pay off Steve's car and pay back my mom. I think February was also the month I had surgery on my ear to replace my ear drum. It was successful but I don't think it made a whole lot of difference in my ability to hear.

March: I started on my MS medications in March. It was not hard to learn how to do the shots, but to get used to them was another thing. Steve and I both did the training with the MS nurse to learn how to do them. The side-effects weren't bad with the titration pack but got worse as the dose increased. I did finally get approved to sit for the licensing exam and got them all the info so I could schedule it. The process is really ridiculous.

April: At this point my weight was getting back out of my control. I tried and tried to get recommitted to the right lifestyle. But I think some depression was settling in due to the MS. It's pretty tough to get that diagnosis. I know at this point I was dealing with fatigue and my muscles acting strangely. Good days are really really good and bad days are horrible.

May: I did a bit better with my health in May, but I still think I was on the slow fade at this point.  A therapist never wants to consider the possibility that they could experience depression. But how can you be diagnosed with a major neurological condition without feeling some depression?

June: June was a pretty packed month! In the same week, my grandmother passed away and I had to go to Davenport to take the licensing exam. It was a pretty crazy week. I sang at the funeral and managed to make it through without breaking down. People don't understand how stinking hard that is! Steve went with me to Davenport to take the exam. It was a nice chance for us to get away a little. I was glad to find that I could get the results immediately after the exam. I was even more happy to see that I had passed the exam! I also signed up to sell Thirty-One this month, hoping that it would provide me with a little bit of pocket money and the opportunity to meet some new people.

July: July is the month of my birthday. It's weird to think about turning 29 this year. I don't really feel that old in some ways and in others I feel about 80. I did have a really great birthday this year.

August: August was the month, or close to the month where I took over the band direction at church. This was a pretty huge undertaking for me and not one that I really wanted to do. But at that point I knew somone had to do it and I was the one that was getting chosen. It was tough for all of us to get a real feel for the changes and to make our own groove.

September: In September, I celebrated my anniversary of 4 years to my amazing husband. He has been so wonderful to me and I couldn't ask for a better man to share my life with. I am truly blessed by his presence in my life.

October: October seemed like a month of just trying to survive. My meds seemed to be working and everything was going okay. Nothing exciting really in October.

November: November was a busy month with Steve's birthday, Thanksgiving, and trying to get everything prepared for the Christmas season. Finally in November I did feel like I had the band direction in hand and had a good idea of what I am doing. Thanksgiving we stayed at home this year and while I am sure that people were giving their opinions, I didn't care. It was so nice to relax at home with my husband and not have to drive or deal with the interesting personalities of our families.

December: This month has flown by so far. I can't believe that Christmas is over already. We had four different Christmases to attend in the span of three days. But we got to see mostly everyone so that was nice. Steve said this has been one of the best Christmases he has experienced and I have to agree. I organized the 7pm Christmas Eve service at church and we had a nice group of folks show up.

So, 2012, here I come. For better or for worse, I hope it will be a good one!

Almost Here!

It is hard to believe Christmas is almost here. Then in a couple of weeks it will be January again and we will be starting all over again. We have had our Christmas shopping done for quiet awhile now. I took a Saturday off and we did all our shopping in one shot on a very rainy wet day. Usually around this time of year I do a year in review - kind of reviewing the past year of events in my life. We'll see if I have the time or motivation to do one for this year. It's been kind of a rough year.

I have been working on organizing the Christmas Eve program for the 7 o'clock service at my church for this year. Sometimes it's like herding cats (lol) but is always a lot of fun. We had our first practice last night which went for two hours. But we got through everything and I think our next practice on Thursday will be fine. I think it will be a nice service and am looking forward to it.

The Glass is Already Broken

I was cleaning the house one night while my husband was cooking dinner. He had a glass that he was using for bringing dried garlic back to life. This little glass was one of the only things that was really his that he brought along with him when we got married. I had the vacuum out and plugged into the outlet in the kitchen and while vacuuming the cord moved and knocked the glass off the counter. It shattered. I was really upset and felt like a real jerk because I had broken something of his, one of his few items. He wasn't upset at all and just wanted to make sure I didn't cut myself on the glass. He told me, "the glass is already broken". I didn't really get it at the time. So he explained it like this:

Our possessions are going to be gone eventually, we are going to be gone eventually. We will lose those that we love, no matter how hard we try to hang on or worry about it. Our end is inevitable - we will leave this earth eventually no matter what we do. That decision has already been made, that we will die. Our decision is what to do while we are still here - before the glass is broken. We are given the gift of a new day every day that we can either enjoy or spend the whole time worrying about what has already been decided. The glass is already broken, the end is going to happen.

Matthew 6:25-36 Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes. Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you - you of little faith? So do not worry, saying 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

The glass is already broken. Enjoy it before it really breaks.

Stuff, and stuff, nonsense, and responsibility

You ever try to blame your problems on the world, fate, luck, karma, satan, God? Feel like the world is out to get you? Do you ever stop and think that maybe, just maybe, the problem might be you? So many people don't want to take responsibility for their problems or the bad things in life. Sure, I think there are outside forces at work, forces of good and forces of evil. But sometimes I wonder how much they leave us to our own devices. Do we need a little devil sitting on our shoulder to do bad things, think bad things, treat others like crap, treat ourselves like crap? I would say no, not really. We as humans pretty much do all that just in our own human nature.

I know it's something I struggle with on a day to day basis. Did the milk overflow in my cup because of some outside force? Nope, it did because I wasn't paying attention and didn't take into account the space required by the mix I added. You've heard "haste makes waste", well it does a lot in my life. Am I am unhealthy and overweight because the devil is trying to bring me down or because God is giving me trials to learn patience. Nope. I am overweight because I eat too much and don't exercise. Pretty plain and simple. Eating too much and not exercising then leads to other diseases (PCOS, and I wouldn't be surprised if it was related to my MS).

And sometimes life just happens. People live, people die. They don't really ask us for permission first either, I think that's why we get mad. We want to control every last second and heaven forbid an accident occur that changes our routine. We think that our loved ones can live forever and we get mad when they fail us. We spend time trying to develop a "fountain of youth" despite the overpopulation that is already occurring.

Today I am going to start trying to take responsibility for me. If something screws up, and it's my fault, then I am going to own it. I won't get mad or think the milk is out to get me. I will simply say, well, looks like I messed up, better luck next time! I am making the choice about what I am putting in my body as well. No one is shoving food in my mouth (doing a good enough job myself thank you very much). If I stop doing it then it won't be happening at all!  If I take on too much and get stressed out then it is my job to not be mad at the people who asked but strict with myself about cutting back and saying "no". My chance to be better, to feel better, and by gosh, to look better too.

Here goes nothing!