I had my tonsils removed yesterday morning and am actually not feeling as horrible as I thought I would be. Except for my throat and a bit of a wheezing cough, physically I don't feel too bad. My lungs were irritated after the surgery, most likely from the tube they put down my throat, they said. It does hurt quite a bit to talk so I have resorted to using a notebook to help me communicate with Steve. I am trying to take it easy and not push myself as I have been known to do in the past when recovering. I have amoxocillin and tylonel with codeine, both in liquid forms that I can squirt into my mouth with a syringe. The tylonel with codeine burns my throat a lot so it is always followed with a water chaser, lol.
I got out a flashlight and looked at the back of my throat. It's pretty gross and I can't imagine what it will look like when it scabs up. I was able to "eat" chicken broth and sherbet ice cream last night. I could have just kept eating the ice cream. It really helped numb my throat while I was eating it.
I wish I knew how long it was going to be until I could sing again, but I will just have to play that by ear (ha, no pun intended). Steve will go back to work tonight but I am sure I will be fine here. I have lots of movies and two bookshelves crammed with books, and of course, the internet!
I think I am going to get some ice cream again. I am trying to stay away from the dairy type stuff since people have told me that it kinda coats your throat. Sherbet doesn't do that, as it is not dairy. And I have jello too so it's all good.
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
The Masks We Wear
Sometimes I ponder about the masks that my clients wear when they are in my office. Sometimes, the real person behind the mask is so incredibly different that I am rather shocked when I "find out" the other side of a person that I counsel. I joked once with my hair stylist that she probably gets more truth and I do out of people. She didn't agree, but I am pretty sure that people feel they have to put on their "good" face when they come in my office. It is kind of sad sometimes because I so desperately want to help people but am missing a core part of their personality that they don't want to admit. So I find it hard to fully understand them since I don't see all the parts of the puzzle. Now, some of this is my responsibility as a therapist to flush out these other aspects so that the person can confront them and deal with them. But people get masks on so tight sometimes that they refuse to allow that a part of their personality is integral to understanding the whole picture. It is quite frustrating sometimes.
I also consider the masks that I wear and why I wear them and with whom I wear them. My husband and my mom are probably the only ones that really get the deeper sides of my personality, the sides that I don't show very often. I know that I don't even fully understand all the different facets of my personality. But it's part of the learning process as we go through life and begin to understand ourselves better and better. I think I run into problems when someone else acts like they know me and make judgments on that information. I know that they don't have a clue and some part of me really resists being stuffed into a little box. On the other hand though, I know that I probably unconsciously do the very same thing. Assumptions are very easy to make and very hard to get rid of even when we know the truth. So I am challenging myself to look beyond and see the real person underneath the mask, both for other people and for myself. Hopefully people will return the favor and keep an open mind about me and about their peers.
I also consider the masks that I wear and why I wear them and with whom I wear them. My husband and my mom are probably the only ones that really get the deeper sides of my personality, the sides that I don't show very often. I know that I don't even fully understand all the different facets of my personality. But it's part of the learning process as we go through life and begin to understand ourselves better and better. I think I run into problems when someone else acts like they know me and make judgments on that information. I know that they don't have a clue and some part of me really resists being stuffed into a little box. On the other hand though, I know that I probably unconsciously do the very same thing. Assumptions are very easy to make and very hard to get rid of even when we know the truth. So I am challenging myself to look beyond and see the real person underneath the mask, both for other people and for myself. Hopefully people will return the favor and keep an open mind about me and about their peers.
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Trusting...
I have always been one of those people who thought, "if I want something done right, I have to do it myself". This has, over the years, led me to do a lot more meaningless tasks that I can probably even imagine. One area where I have been really bad at this is trusting that God will take care of me. I have no doubt that I have gotten in my own way, and in His way while he is trying to make something work in my life. I don't believe that if God wants something to happen, that I can truly get in His way, but sometimes I wonder if I don't make it more difficult. I have long since said that God does not whisper to me, he uses a frying pan. I imagine that is a result of me not listening to the whisper first. Even after 14 years of Christianity, I am still constantly amazed when God makes something work in my life. This doesn't meant that everything is always easy of course. I just means that I always have whatever I need in order to get the problem solved.
For instance, I did not have the requirements in order to get licensed so that I can bill all the insurance companies at work. I should have, after finishing a Clinical Psychology master's program. But different states have different requirements so I have found myself in a position of needing to take three additional classes. At first I was overcome with anxiety and fear that this would put my job in jeopardy. This isn't a great time to have to worry about something like that. While I have no idea if my job is/was/could be in jeopardy, I realized that I just have to do my best to correct the problem. I even considered changing my career completely and attending nursing school. But I decided that I could help people in this profession and I shouldn't throw away six years of college work.
So, the first thing I did was plead with all prior professors to do an independent study with me. Well, very few prior professors are left in my program, most have moved on or retired. My prior coordinator is on sabbatical this year and will be out of the country. I exhausted every avenue that I could possibly think of and it didn't work. Despair. So then I started looking at other colleges in my area. WIU has the program and courses that I would need. So I spent the money and applied to the school as a non-degree seeking student. I got my acceptance letter in the mail the day after the last day to add classes for the fall semester. And, despite several attempts, no one ever returned my emails about the specific classes that I should take. Plus, I would have had to drive to Moline to take the classes. Despair yet again. So finally, I prayed in earnest that I would know what to do and that God would make his wishes for my life apparent (basically asking God to bust out the frying pan yet again).
The next evening at Bible study, I was discussing my dilemma with a friend and he simply asked me why didn't I go to Quincy University to complete the requirements. I didn't even realize that QU offered graduate level classes so the next day I looked into it. By the end of that day, I had an email back from the coordinator of adult studies with plenty of information to get me started. I also received information from the professors regarding syllabi needed to provide to the review board to make sure the requirements would be met. At this time, the school has all my information except a wonderful letter of recommendation sent by my prior graduate coordinator which I will put in the mail today. I will be able to take up to 9 credit hours as a non-degree seeking graduate student. I only need 9 hours of graduate work (three classes). Plus, the classes are in the evenings so I will not have to miss work. And Quincy is only about an hour away.
The classes will likely conflict with other things in my life. But I feel confident that it will work out in some way. Perhaps if I had prayed first and not waited for the frying pan, I would have been able to start classes this fall instead of this spring. I haven't yet figured out how I will pay for the classes, but I rest in the assurances of God that I will be taken care of. He will provide for me as He sees fit. I also trust that God will give me the energy and stamina to work full-time and complete classes. Are all my worries and anxieties gone - well no, but I am trying to remember the lesson I have learned here. Listen for the whisper, don't wait for the frying pan!
For instance, I did not have the requirements in order to get licensed so that I can bill all the insurance companies at work. I should have, after finishing a Clinical Psychology master's program. But different states have different requirements so I have found myself in a position of needing to take three additional classes. At first I was overcome with anxiety and fear that this would put my job in jeopardy. This isn't a great time to have to worry about something like that. While I have no idea if my job is/was/could be in jeopardy, I realized that I just have to do my best to correct the problem. I even considered changing my career completely and attending nursing school. But I decided that I could help people in this profession and I shouldn't throw away six years of college work.
So, the first thing I did was plead with all prior professors to do an independent study with me. Well, very few prior professors are left in my program, most have moved on or retired. My prior coordinator is on sabbatical this year and will be out of the country. I exhausted every avenue that I could possibly think of and it didn't work. Despair. So then I started looking at other colleges in my area. WIU has the program and courses that I would need. So I spent the money and applied to the school as a non-degree seeking student. I got my acceptance letter in the mail the day after the last day to add classes for the fall semester. And, despite several attempts, no one ever returned my emails about the specific classes that I should take. Plus, I would have had to drive to Moline to take the classes. Despair yet again. So finally, I prayed in earnest that I would know what to do and that God would make his wishes for my life apparent (basically asking God to bust out the frying pan yet again).
The next evening at Bible study, I was discussing my dilemma with a friend and he simply asked me why didn't I go to Quincy University to complete the requirements. I didn't even realize that QU offered graduate level classes so the next day I looked into it. By the end of that day, I had an email back from the coordinator of adult studies with plenty of information to get me started. I also received information from the professors regarding syllabi needed to provide to the review board to make sure the requirements would be met. At this time, the school has all my information except a wonderful letter of recommendation sent by my prior graduate coordinator which I will put in the mail today. I will be able to take up to 9 credit hours as a non-degree seeking graduate student. I only need 9 hours of graduate work (three classes). Plus, the classes are in the evenings so I will not have to miss work. And Quincy is only about an hour away.
The classes will likely conflict with other things in my life. But I feel confident that it will work out in some way. Perhaps if I had prayed first and not waited for the frying pan, I would have been able to start classes this fall instead of this spring. I haven't yet figured out how I will pay for the classes, but I rest in the assurances of God that I will be taken care of. He will provide for me as He sees fit. I also trust that God will give me the energy and stamina to work full-time and complete classes. Are all my worries and anxieties gone - well no, but I am trying to remember the lesson I have learned here. Listen for the whisper, don't wait for the frying pan!
Monday, September 14, 2009
....Let Me Count the Ways....
Tomorrow is my wedding anniversay of two years. It's hard to believe that two years ago, I was getting ready to marry Steve. In some ways, it seems like it was just yesterday and in some ways, it feels like I have always been loved by him. So, in honor of our anniversary, I decided that I would list a few of my favorite things about my husband and our marriage.
1. I never have to wonder if he loves me, I feel it, even if he doesn't say it. But, he's never shy about saying it.
2. I know without looking that his hand is reaching for mine no matter where we are.
3. If I have a bad, sad, or weird dream, he always makes me feel better.
4. He values my opinion even if he doesn't agree with it.
5. He isn't afraid to correct me or tell me when I hurt his feelings. And he always does it in such a way that is incredibly respectful.
6. He does nice things for me just because he enjoys doing nice things for me.
7. He rubs my feet, even when he probably really doesn't want to.
8. I am one of the few people who can make him laugh (a real laugh) and he always shows his real smile to me.
9. We have much of the same values and interests. So we always have something to talk about.
10. I love the way he looks at me that tells me I am the only other person in the room, even when we are in a crowded room.
These are just a few of my favorite things. I am sure I could go on an on but I have to get some work done now. All I know is that I am incredibly blessed!
Happy Anniversary my love!
1. I never have to wonder if he loves me, I feel it, even if he doesn't say it. But, he's never shy about saying it.
2. I know without looking that his hand is reaching for mine no matter where we are.
3. If I have a bad, sad, or weird dream, he always makes me feel better.
4. He values my opinion even if he doesn't agree with it.
5. He isn't afraid to correct me or tell me when I hurt his feelings. And he always does it in such a way that is incredibly respectful.
6. He does nice things for me just because he enjoys doing nice things for me.
7. He rubs my feet, even when he probably really doesn't want to.
8. I am one of the few people who can make him laugh (a real laugh) and he always shows his real smile to me.
9. We have much of the same values and interests. So we always have something to talk about.
10. I love the way he looks at me that tells me I am the only other person in the room, even when we are in a crowded room.
These are just a few of my favorite things. I am sure I could go on an on but I have to get some work done now. All I know is that I am incredibly blessed!
Happy Anniversary my love!
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Music, Music, Music
If you know me, you know I love music. If you don't know me very well, you probably still know that I love music, but maybe not understand to what degree I truely love music. Upon musing about what Edward (from Twilight) would hear if he could hear my thoughts, I told the person I was discussing it with that he would probably be irritated to be around me because it would be like an ongoing juke box. I seriously always have a song running through my head at any given moment. Even when I am talking with someone it is likely that somewhere in my brain, there is a song repeating itself in my head. I thought this was something that everyone did but by the strange looks I have gotten when I have explained it, I am beginning to think that maybe it's not "normal". I know that people get songs "stuck" in their head and this is usually associated with being something annoying. That happens to me too, especially after commercials or something like that. But I fall asleep with music in my head and wake up with music in my head. It's like a radio that I can't shut off. The good news is that I enjoy it.
There is something about music that is able to communicate so much more than I can with my meager words. I even have a quote up in my bedroom that says "We have music so we might speak without words". There is always a song that I am able to connect with regardless of what is going on in my life. Of course this is most true when it comes to feeling sad. Someone has always written a song about what I am sad about. I used to immerse myself in it when I was having bad days or when a boyfriend had broken up with me and I was hurting. There are also good songs that I can connect with regarding feeling happy or being in love with my husband.
I have been blessed to be able to sing (and not have people cover their ears, lol). The majority of my dad's family can sing really well and even the ones that don't do so regularly have pretty good voices. I am rarely happier than I am when I am singing. It makes me feel like I am not just listening to the music but that I am intertwined in it and enveloped by it. I recently joined the praise band at church and love it so much. It gives me that much more time to immerse myself in music. Good stuff. Now back to work as my lunch hour is winding down.
There is something about music that is able to communicate so much more than I can with my meager words. I even have a quote up in my bedroom that says "We have music so we might speak without words". There is always a song that I am able to connect with regardless of what is going on in my life. Of course this is most true when it comes to feeling sad. Someone has always written a song about what I am sad about. I used to immerse myself in it when I was having bad days or when a boyfriend had broken up with me and I was hurting. There are also good songs that I can connect with regarding feeling happy or being in love with my husband.
I have been blessed to be able to sing (and not have people cover their ears, lol). The majority of my dad's family can sing really well and even the ones that don't do so regularly have pretty good voices. I am rarely happier than I am when I am singing. It makes me feel like I am not just listening to the music but that I am intertwined in it and enveloped by it. I recently joined the praise band at church and love it so much. It gives me that much more time to immerse myself in music. Good stuff. Now back to work as my lunch hour is winding down.
Monday, August 17, 2009
Who needs ears anyways?
Permit me to complain a little...it is my blog after all.
Just when I think I might have actually grown out of having problems with my ears, they come back again. Let me give a little history first. The doctors finally figured out, after chronic ear infections, that my allergies were causing the ear infections. So not only did I start getting allergy shots every week (not much fun for a seven year old!) but had to get tubes in my ears. I got allergy shots all the way until my freshman year of college. I have also had three separate allergy tests (60 something needles scratched on your back). I have had tubes in my ears a total of 2 times in my left ear and 4 times in my right ear. My left eardrum never completely healed after the second time, so the residual hole (about a third of the size of the tympanic membrane) has served as a "natural" tube. The last tube I had put in my right ear was an extended life tube and it had lasted from like 2005-now.
After a sore throat for a week and then ear ache for a couple of days I went to the ear doc last Friday. I thought I had an ear infection. Well, the good news is that it wasn't an ear infection, it was an infection of my tonsils which will have to come out this year. Okay, I can manage that somehow. The bad news was that a hole had extended out past where the hole for the tube was, basically leaving the tube hanging in space (and making me feel like I had water in my ear, wierd feeling). So, she took the tube out of the ear because it was no longer helping. The doc thinks that the hole will not close up and I will have a similiar situation with my right ear as I do with my left. That would be okay in the grand scheme of things. The worse news is that it could close back up and I would have to have another tube put in (not pleasant). The worst possible outcome would be for the tympanic membrane to completely recede and I would have to have another grafted in there. I don't know if that is possible or not so I won't think about it.
I think the part that bugs me the most is stuff that other people take for granted. I can't swim, shower, get my hair washed at the salon, or do anything else that might get water in my ears without wearing ear plugs. I have never learned to swim because of this. I am terrified anytime I am around a body of water that someone might think would be fun to push me into as a joke. I will never be able to go scuba diving or swim with dolphins or any of that other fun stuff if I go on a vacation in a tropical destination because it would be too great a risk. It is incredibly painful to get water in my ears the way they are. I did once, on accident of course, as a kid and have been very very careful since.
Not to mention the damage this has caused in my hearing ability. I used to drive my mom crazy because every other word I said would be "huh?". Even after I could hear better (with the first set of tubes), I was in such a habit that I would say it before I realized that I could hear the person. These days I just have problems with distinguishing words if I am talking with someone and there is background noise. I can hear sounds but have difficulty breaking it down into words that I can understand. It is incredibly frustrating. I don't mind asking someone to repeat something that they have said, but I don't blame them for getting frustrated with me when I have to have them repeat is several times. This usually only happens with my husband, as we both tend to mumble frequently. When I was watching the Angel series, I had to watch them all with the closed caption on so I could tell what was going on. Thankfully that was the only time it's been that bad. It was helpful in my Sensation and Perception Psychology class when we were talking about determining if there was damage to the ear. My ears failed the experiment like we expected.
So, this isn't something that I complain about usually because, well, after twenty years, I am kinda used to it. Sometimes I think it just catches up with me and I think about the things that I have and will miss out on.
And, if you are wondering why they don't patch the holes in my ear drums up, I will tell you. I had a hearing test once where they compared my left ear (with the hole in the ear drum) versus my right ear (which had a solid though scared ear drum - it ruptured when I was a kid, very painful). My left ear was actually better because my allergies cause fluid build up when the membrane is solid, which prevents the ear drum from vibrating effectively, which makes my hearing worse. Hopefully that made sense. So patching them up is not an option because I would just have to have tubes inserted again.
Oh well, sometimes life isn't fair. I am terrified of someday not being able to hear. It would be devestating to not be able to hear music or the sound of my husband's voice or my nephew laughing. But, I am not going to borrow trouble. Tomorrow will take care of itself.
Just when I think I might have actually grown out of having problems with my ears, they come back again. Let me give a little history first. The doctors finally figured out, after chronic ear infections, that my allergies were causing the ear infections. So not only did I start getting allergy shots every week (not much fun for a seven year old!) but had to get tubes in my ears. I got allergy shots all the way until my freshman year of college. I have also had three separate allergy tests (60 something needles scratched on your back). I have had tubes in my ears a total of 2 times in my left ear and 4 times in my right ear. My left eardrum never completely healed after the second time, so the residual hole (about a third of the size of the tympanic membrane) has served as a "natural" tube. The last tube I had put in my right ear was an extended life tube and it had lasted from like 2005-now.
After a sore throat for a week and then ear ache for a couple of days I went to the ear doc last Friday. I thought I had an ear infection. Well, the good news is that it wasn't an ear infection, it was an infection of my tonsils which will have to come out this year. Okay, I can manage that somehow. The bad news was that a hole had extended out past where the hole for the tube was, basically leaving the tube hanging in space (and making me feel like I had water in my ear, wierd feeling). So, she took the tube out of the ear because it was no longer helping. The doc thinks that the hole will not close up and I will have a similiar situation with my right ear as I do with my left. That would be okay in the grand scheme of things. The worse news is that it could close back up and I would have to have another tube put in (not pleasant). The worst possible outcome would be for the tympanic membrane to completely recede and I would have to have another grafted in there. I don't know if that is possible or not so I won't think about it.
I think the part that bugs me the most is stuff that other people take for granted. I can't swim, shower, get my hair washed at the salon, or do anything else that might get water in my ears without wearing ear plugs. I have never learned to swim because of this. I am terrified anytime I am around a body of water that someone might think would be fun to push me into as a joke. I will never be able to go scuba diving or swim with dolphins or any of that other fun stuff if I go on a vacation in a tropical destination because it would be too great a risk. It is incredibly painful to get water in my ears the way they are. I did once, on accident of course, as a kid and have been very very careful since.
Not to mention the damage this has caused in my hearing ability. I used to drive my mom crazy because every other word I said would be "huh?". Even after I could hear better (with the first set of tubes), I was in such a habit that I would say it before I realized that I could hear the person. These days I just have problems with distinguishing words if I am talking with someone and there is background noise. I can hear sounds but have difficulty breaking it down into words that I can understand. It is incredibly frustrating. I don't mind asking someone to repeat something that they have said, but I don't blame them for getting frustrated with me when I have to have them repeat is several times. This usually only happens with my husband, as we both tend to mumble frequently. When I was watching the Angel series, I had to watch them all with the closed caption on so I could tell what was going on. Thankfully that was the only time it's been that bad. It was helpful in my Sensation and Perception Psychology class when we were talking about determining if there was damage to the ear. My ears failed the experiment like we expected.
So, this isn't something that I complain about usually because, well, after twenty years, I am kinda used to it. Sometimes I think it just catches up with me and I think about the things that I have and will miss out on.
And, if you are wondering why they don't patch the holes in my ear drums up, I will tell you. I had a hearing test once where they compared my left ear (with the hole in the ear drum) versus my right ear (which had a solid though scared ear drum - it ruptured when I was a kid, very painful). My left ear was actually better because my allergies cause fluid build up when the membrane is solid, which prevents the ear drum from vibrating effectively, which makes my hearing worse. Hopefully that made sense. So patching them up is not an option because I would just have to have tubes inserted again.
Oh well, sometimes life isn't fair. I am terrified of someday not being able to hear. It would be devestating to not be able to hear music or the sound of my husband's voice or my nephew laughing. But, I am not going to borrow trouble. Tomorrow will take care of itself.
Saturday, August 1, 2009
A Bittersweet Month
It's been almost a month since the last time I have updated my blog. For awhile there I had it locked, worrying that someone would interpret something wrong and use it against me. Well, perhaps they will but last time I checked it was a free country and I am free to express my thoughts as they are my own. Besides, I only know of a few people who even read it, so I am not much worried. Moving on....
Things have been quite busy for me and my husband. July was a full month, a great month, a bittersweet month, and a sad month. I got to see my best friend for a few days around my birthday, though she didn't feel well most of the time. I am hoping to get out to Arizona next year to see her again. I joined the First Christian Church in Keokuk and was rebaptized last Saturday night. It was really great and my family was all there to see it. It felt good to rededicate myself to doing God's work and following Him. I hope I can live my life in such a way as to deserve all the blessings he has given me.
We recently got a puppy but had to take her back to the shelter today. It was heartbreaking to take her back but we knew it was what was best for us. My allergies got worse while she was here and we simply don't have the time to dedicate to training her as she needed. She was a sweet and smart puppy and I miss her. I feel like we made the right decision though because the shelter had had another family that wanted a puppy come by and so they were going to call them. The family had a young girl that I know Daisy will love and who will love her. It was probably one of the hardest decisions that I have ever made. We donated all of the things we had gotten for her to the shelter: the food, kennel, toys, treats, etc. They will make good use of them and continue to do good work for animals. I have resigned myself to just having out Betta fish b/c at least I am not allergic to him.
I attended a wedding this afternoon for a very good friend of mine. It's almost strange calling him a really good friend considering we see each other maybe once or twice a year. But he's the kind of friend that you just pick up with where you left off the last time, a kindred soul. I am so happy for him and his new bride and their family. I know they will be very happy together and it was wonderful getting to be there with them.
I went out with my husband tonight after church and had dinner and great conversation. It's amazing how I feel like I love him more every single day. Just when I think it's not possible to love him anymore, my heart capacity gets a little bigger. If more men were as kind and understanding and faithful and willing to compromise and listen as he is; there would be a lot fewer divorces. He makes me want to be a better wife and a better person.
I have another wedding (a renewal really) next weekend for friends who are celebrating their 15th wedding anniversay. I will be singing during the service. It's been a long time since I looked forward to singing with anticipation instead of dread. I know that God gave me this talent and that I should be using it to glorify His name. When I think about it that way, I don't get so nervous and worried that I will mess up. God will love me no matter what. Steve should be there with me during both the church service and the wedding. He switched with another guy that he works with so he will be working tomorrow (Sunday) night and will have Friday night off. We don't get very many Friday nights together so I am looking forward to a date night. And he will be all rested up and able to go to church and the wedding with me.
Now, I believe it is time to go to bed so that I can be rested and awake for church in the morning.
Things have been quite busy for me and my husband. July was a full month, a great month, a bittersweet month, and a sad month. I got to see my best friend for a few days around my birthday, though she didn't feel well most of the time. I am hoping to get out to Arizona next year to see her again. I joined the First Christian Church in Keokuk and was rebaptized last Saturday night. It was really great and my family was all there to see it. It felt good to rededicate myself to doing God's work and following Him. I hope I can live my life in such a way as to deserve all the blessings he has given me.
We recently got a puppy but had to take her back to the shelter today. It was heartbreaking to take her back but we knew it was what was best for us. My allergies got worse while she was here and we simply don't have the time to dedicate to training her as she needed. She was a sweet and smart puppy and I miss her. I feel like we made the right decision though because the shelter had had another family that wanted a puppy come by and so they were going to call them. The family had a young girl that I know Daisy will love and who will love her. It was probably one of the hardest decisions that I have ever made. We donated all of the things we had gotten for her to the shelter: the food, kennel, toys, treats, etc. They will make good use of them and continue to do good work for animals. I have resigned myself to just having out Betta fish b/c at least I am not allergic to him.
I attended a wedding this afternoon for a very good friend of mine. It's almost strange calling him a really good friend considering we see each other maybe once or twice a year. But he's the kind of friend that you just pick up with where you left off the last time, a kindred soul. I am so happy for him and his new bride and their family. I know they will be very happy together and it was wonderful getting to be there with them.
I went out with my husband tonight after church and had dinner and great conversation. It's amazing how I feel like I love him more every single day. Just when I think it's not possible to love him anymore, my heart capacity gets a little bigger. If more men were as kind and understanding and faithful and willing to compromise and listen as he is; there would be a lot fewer divorces. He makes me want to be a better wife and a better person.
I have another wedding (a renewal really) next weekend for friends who are celebrating their 15th wedding anniversay. I will be singing during the service. It's been a long time since I looked forward to singing with anticipation instead of dread. I know that God gave me this talent and that I should be using it to glorify His name. When I think about it that way, I don't get so nervous and worried that I will mess up. God will love me no matter what. Steve should be there with me during both the church service and the wedding. He switched with another guy that he works with so he will be working tomorrow (Sunday) night and will have Friday night off. We don't get very many Friday nights together so I am looking forward to a date night. And he will be all rested up and able to go to church and the wedding with me.
Now, I believe it is time to go to bed so that I can be rested and awake for church in the morning.
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