Who needs ears anyways?

Permit me to complain a little...it is my blog after all.

Just when I think I might have actually grown out of having problems with my ears, they come back again. Let me give a little history first. The doctors finally figured out, after chronic ear infections, that my allergies were causing the ear infections. So not only did I start getting allergy shots every week (not much fun for a seven year old!) but had to get tubes in my ears. I got allergy shots all the way until my freshman year of college. I have also had three separate allergy tests (60 something needles scratched on your back). I have had tubes in my ears a total of 2 times in my left ear and 4 times in my right ear. My left eardrum never completely healed after the second time, so the residual hole (about a third of the size of the tympanic membrane) has served as a "natural" tube. The last tube I had put in my right ear was an extended life tube and it had lasted from like 2005-now.

After a sore throat for a week and then ear ache for a couple of days I went to the ear doc last Friday. I thought I had an ear infection. Well, the good news is that it wasn't an ear infection, it was an infection of my tonsils which will have to come out this year. Okay, I can manage that somehow. The bad news was that a hole had extended out past where the hole for the tube was, basically leaving the tube hanging in space (and making me feel like I had water in my ear, wierd feeling). So, she took the tube out of the ear because it was no longer helping. The doc thinks that the hole will not close up and I will have a similiar situation with my right ear as I do with my left. That would be okay in the grand scheme of things. The worse news is that it could close back up and I would have to have another tube put in (not pleasant). The worst possible outcome would be for the tympanic membrane to completely recede and I would have to have another grafted in there. I don't know if that is possible or not so I won't think about it.

I think the part that bugs me the most is stuff that other people take for granted. I can't swim, shower, get my hair washed at the salon, or do anything else that might get water in my ears without wearing ear plugs. I have never learned to swim because of this. I am terrified anytime I am around a body of water that someone might think would be fun to push me into as a joke. I will never be able to go scuba diving or swim with dolphins or any of that other fun stuff if I go on a vacation in a tropical destination because it would be too great a risk. It is incredibly painful to get water in my ears the way they are. I did once, on accident of course, as a kid and have been very very careful since.

Not to mention the damage this has caused in my hearing ability. I used to drive my mom crazy because every other word I said would be "huh?". Even after I could hear better (with the first set of tubes), I was in such a habit that I would say it before I realized that I could hear the person. These days I just have problems with distinguishing words if I am talking with someone and there is background noise. I can hear sounds but have difficulty breaking it down into words that I can understand. It is incredibly frustrating. I don't mind asking someone to repeat something that they have said, but I don't blame them for getting frustrated with me when I have to have them repeat is several times. This usually only happens with my husband, as we both tend to mumble frequently. When I was watching the Angel series, I had to watch them all with the closed caption on so I could tell what was going on. Thankfully that was the only time it's been that bad. It was helpful in my Sensation and Perception Psychology class when we were talking about determining if there was damage to the ear. My ears failed the experiment like we expected.

So, this isn't something that I complain about usually because, well, after twenty years, I am kinda used to it. Sometimes I think it just catches up with me and I think about the things that I have and will miss out on.

And, if you are wondering why they don't patch the holes in my ear drums up, I will tell you. I had a hearing test once where they compared my left ear (with the hole in the ear drum) versus my right ear (which had a solid though scared ear drum - it ruptured when I was a kid, very painful). My left ear was actually better because my allergies cause fluid build up when the membrane is solid, which prevents the ear drum from vibrating effectively, which makes my hearing worse. Hopefully that made sense. So patching them up is not an option because I would just have to have tubes inserted again.

Oh well, sometimes life isn't fair. I am terrified of someday not being able to hear. It would be devestating to not be able to hear music or the sound of my husband's voice or my nephew laughing. But, I am not going to borrow trouble. Tomorrow will take care of itself.