If you know me, you know I love music. If you don't know me very well, you probably still know that I love music, but maybe not understand to what degree I truely love music. Upon musing about what Edward (from Twilight) would hear if he could hear my thoughts, I told the person I was discussing it with that he would probably be irritated to be around me because it would be like an ongoing juke box. I seriously always have a song running through my head at any given moment. Even when I am talking with someone it is likely that somewhere in my brain, there is a song repeating itself in my head. I thought this was something that everyone did but by the strange looks I have gotten when I have explained it, I am beginning to think that maybe it's not "normal". I know that people get songs "stuck" in their head and this is usually associated with being something annoying. That happens to me too, especially after commercials or something like that. But I fall asleep with music in my head and wake up with music in my head. It's like a radio that I can't shut off. The good news is that I enjoy it.
There is something about music that is able to communicate so much more than I can with my meager words. I even have a quote up in my bedroom that says "We have music so we might speak without words". There is always a song that I am able to connect with regardless of what is going on in my life. Of course this is most true when it comes to feeling sad. Someone has always written a song about what I am sad about. I used to immerse myself in it when I was having bad days or when a boyfriend had broken up with me and I was hurting. There are also good songs that I can connect with regarding feeling happy or being in love with my husband.
I have been blessed to be able to sing (and not have people cover their ears, lol). The majority of my dad's family can sing really well and even the ones that don't do so regularly have pretty good voices. I am rarely happier than I am when I am singing. It makes me feel like I am not just listening to the music but that I am intertwined in it and enveloped by it. I recently joined the praise band at church and love it so much. It gives me that much more time to immerse myself in music. Good stuff. Now back to work as my lunch hour is winding down.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Monday, August 17, 2009
Who needs ears anyways?
Permit me to complain a little...it is my blog after all.
Just when I think I might have actually grown out of having problems with my ears, they come back again. Let me give a little history first. The doctors finally figured out, after chronic ear infections, that my allergies were causing the ear infections. So not only did I start getting allergy shots every week (not much fun for a seven year old!) but had to get tubes in my ears. I got allergy shots all the way until my freshman year of college. I have also had three separate allergy tests (60 something needles scratched on your back). I have had tubes in my ears a total of 2 times in my left ear and 4 times in my right ear. My left eardrum never completely healed after the second time, so the residual hole (about a third of the size of the tympanic membrane) has served as a "natural" tube. The last tube I had put in my right ear was an extended life tube and it had lasted from like 2005-now.
After a sore throat for a week and then ear ache for a couple of days I went to the ear doc last Friday. I thought I had an ear infection. Well, the good news is that it wasn't an ear infection, it was an infection of my tonsils which will have to come out this year. Okay, I can manage that somehow. The bad news was that a hole had extended out past where the hole for the tube was, basically leaving the tube hanging in space (and making me feel like I had water in my ear, wierd feeling). So, she took the tube out of the ear because it was no longer helping. The doc thinks that the hole will not close up and I will have a similiar situation with my right ear as I do with my left. That would be okay in the grand scheme of things. The worse news is that it could close back up and I would have to have another tube put in (not pleasant). The worst possible outcome would be for the tympanic membrane to completely recede and I would have to have another grafted in there. I don't know if that is possible or not so I won't think about it.
I think the part that bugs me the most is stuff that other people take for granted. I can't swim, shower, get my hair washed at the salon, or do anything else that might get water in my ears without wearing ear plugs. I have never learned to swim because of this. I am terrified anytime I am around a body of water that someone might think would be fun to push me into as a joke. I will never be able to go scuba diving or swim with dolphins or any of that other fun stuff if I go on a vacation in a tropical destination because it would be too great a risk. It is incredibly painful to get water in my ears the way they are. I did once, on accident of course, as a kid and have been very very careful since.
Not to mention the damage this has caused in my hearing ability. I used to drive my mom crazy because every other word I said would be "huh?". Even after I could hear better (with the first set of tubes), I was in such a habit that I would say it before I realized that I could hear the person. These days I just have problems with distinguishing words if I am talking with someone and there is background noise. I can hear sounds but have difficulty breaking it down into words that I can understand. It is incredibly frustrating. I don't mind asking someone to repeat something that they have said, but I don't blame them for getting frustrated with me when I have to have them repeat is several times. This usually only happens with my husband, as we both tend to mumble frequently. When I was watching the Angel series, I had to watch them all with the closed caption on so I could tell what was going on. Thankfully that was the only time it's been that bad. It was helpful in my Sensation and Perception Psychology class when we were talking about determining if there was damage to the ear. My ears failed the experiment like we expected.
So, this isn't something that I complain about usually because, well, after twenty years, I am kinda used to it. Sometimes I think it just catches up with me and I think about the things that I have and will miss out on.
And, if you are wondering why they don't patch the holes in my ear drums up, I will tell you. I had a hearing test once where they compared my left ear (with the hole in the ear drum) versus my right ear (which had a solid though scared ear drum - it ruptured when I was a kid, very painful). My left ear was actually better because my allergies cause fluid build up when the membrane is solid, which prevents the ear drum from vibrating effectively, which makes my hearing worse. Hopefully that made sense. So patching them up is not an option because I would just have to have tubes inserted again.
Oh well, sometimes life isn't fair. I am terrified of someday not being able to hear. It would be devestating to not be able to hear music or the sound of my husband's voice or my nephew laughing. But, I am not going to borrow trouble. Tomorrow will take care of itself.
Just when I think I might have actually grown out of having problems with my ears, they come back again. Let me give a little history first. The doctors finally figured out, after chronic ear infections, that my allergies were causing the ear infections. So not only did I start getting allergy shots every week (not much fun for a seven year old!) but had to get tubes in my ears. I got allergy shots all the way until my freshman year of college. I have also had three separate allergy tests (60 something needles scratched on your back). I have had tubes in my ears a total of 2 times in my left ear and 4 times in my right ear. My left eardrum never completely healed after the second time, so the residual hole (about a third of the size of the tympanic membrane) has served as a "natural" tube. The last tube I had put in my right ear was an extended life tube and it had lasted from like 2005-now.
After a sore throat for a week and then ear ache for a couple of days I went to the ear doc last Friday. I thought I had an ear infection. Well, the good news is that it wasn't an ear infection, it was an infection of my tonsils which will have to come out this year. Okay, I can manage that somehow. The bad news was that a hole had extended out past where the hole for the tube was, basically leaving the tube hanging in space (and making me feel like I had water in my ear, wierd feeling). So, she took the tube out of the ear because it was no longer helping. The doc thinks that the hole will not close up and I will have a similiar situation with my right ear as I do with my left. That would be okay in the grand scheme of things. The worse news is that it could close back up and I would have to have another tube put in (not pleasant). The worst possible outcome would be for the tympanic membrane to completely recede and I would have to have another grafted in there. I don't know if that is possible or not so I won't think about it.
I think the part that bugs me the most is stuff that other people take for granted. I can't swim, shower, get my hair washed at the salon, or do anything else that might get water in my ears without wearing ear plugs. I have never learned to swim because of this. I am terrified anytime I am around a body of water that someone might think would be fun to push me into as a joke. I will never be able to go scuba diving or swim with dolphins or any of that other fun stuff if I go on a vacation in a tropical destination because it would be too great a risk. It is incredibly painful to get water in my ears the way they are. I did once, on accident of course, as a kid and have been very very careful since.
Not to mention the damage this has caused in my hearing ability. I used to drive my mom crazy because every other word I said would be "huh?". Even after I could hear better (with the first set of tubes), I was in such a habit that I would say it before I realized that I could hear the person. These days I just have problems with distinguishing words if I am talking with someone and there is background noise. I can hear sounds but have difficulty breaking it down into words that I can understand. It is incredibly frustrating. I don't mind asking someone to repeat something that they have said, but I don't blame them for getting frustrated with me when I have to have them repeat is several times. This usually only happens with my husband, as we both tend to mumble frequently. When I was watching the Angel series, I had to watch them all with the closed caption on so I could tell what was going on. Thankfully that was the only time it's been that bad. It was helpful in my Sensation and Perception Psychology class when we were talking about determining if there was damage to the ear. My ears failed the experiment like we expected.
So, this isn't something that I complain about usually because, well, after twenty years, I am kinda used to it. Sometimes I think it just catches up with me and I think about the things that I have and will miss out on.
And, if you are wondering why they don't patch the holes in my ear drums up, I will tell you. I had a hearing test once where they compared my left ear (with the hole in the ear drum) versus my right ear (which had a solid though scared ear drum - it ruptured when I was a kid, very painful). My left ear was actually better because my allergies cause fluid build up when the membrane is solid, which prevents the ear drum from vibrating effectively, which makes my hearing worse. Hopefully that made sense. So patching them up is not an option because I would just have to have tubes inserted again.
Oh well, sometimes life isn't fair. I am terrified of someday not being able to hear. It would be devestating to not be able to hear music or the sound of my husband's voice or my nephew laughing. But, I am not going to borrow trouble. Tomorrow will take care of itself.
Saturday, August 1, 2009
A Bittersweet Month
It's been almost a month since the last time I have updated my blog. For awhile there I had it locked, worrying that someone would interpret something wrong and use it against me. Well, perhaps they will but last time I checked it was a free country and I am free to express my thoughts as they are my own. Besides, I only know of a few people who even read it, so I am not much worried. Moving on....
Things have been quite busy for me and my husband. July was a full month, a great month, a bittersweet month, and a sad month. I got to see my best friend for a few days around my birthday, though she didn't feel well most of the time. I am hoping to get out to Arizona next year to see her again. I joined the First Christian Church in Keokuk and was rebaptized last Saturday night. It was really great and my family was all there to see it. It felt good to rededicate myself to doing God's work and following Him. I hope I can live my life in such a way as to deserve all the blessings he has given me.
We recently got a puppy but had to take her back to the shelter today. It was heartbreaking to take her back but we knew it was what was best for us. My allergies got worse while she was here and we simply don't have the time to dedicate to training her as she needed. She was a sweet and smart puppy and I miss her. I feel like we made the right decision though because the shelter had had another family that wanted a puppy come by and so they were going to call them. The family had a young girl that I know Daisy will love and who will love her. It was probably one of the hardest decisions that I have ever made. We donated all of the things we had gotten for her to the shelter: the food, kennel, toys, treats, etc. They will make good use of them and continue to do good work for animals. I have resigned myself to just having out Betta fish b/c at least I am not allergic to him.
I attended a wedding this afternoon for a very good friend of mine. It's almost strange calling him a really good friend considering we see each other maybe once or twice a year. But he's the kind of friend that you just pick up with where you left off the last time, a kindred soul. I am so happy for him and his new bride and their family. I know they will be very happy together and it was wonderful getting to be there with them.
I went out with my husband tonight after church and had dinner and great conversation. It's amazing how I feel like I love him more every single day. Just when I think it's not possible to love him anymore, my heart capacity gets a little bigger. If more men were as kind and understanding and faithful and willing to compromise and listen as he is; there would be a lot fewer divorces. He makes me want to be a better wife and a better person.
I have another wedding (a renewal really) next weekend for friends who are celebrating their 15th wedding anniversay. I will be singing during the service. It's been a long time since I looked forward to singing with anticipation instead of dread. I know that God gave me this talent and that I should be using it to glorify His name. When I think about it that way, I don't get so nervous and worried that I will mess up. God will love me no matter what. Steve should be there with me during both the church service and the wedding. He switched with another guy that he works with so he will be working tomorrow (Sunday) night and will have Friday night off. We don't get very many Friday nights together so I am looking forward to a date night. And he will be all rested up and able to go to church and the wedding with me.
Now, I believe it is time to go to bed so that I can be rested and awake for church in the morning.
Things have been quite busy for me and my husband. July was a full month, a great month, a bittersweet month, and a sad month. I got to see my best friend for a few days around my birthday, though she didn't feel well most of the time. I am hoping to get out to Arizona next year to see her again. I joined the First Christian Church in Keokuk and was rebaptized last Saturday night. It was really great and my family was all there to see it. It felt good to rededicate myself to doing God's work and following Him. I hope I can live my life in such a way as to deserve all the blessings he has given me.
We recently got a puppy but had to take her back to the shelter today. It was heartbreaking to take her back but we knew it was what was best for us. My allergies got worse while she was here and we simply don't have the time to dedicate to training her as she needed. She was a sweet and smart puppy and I miss her. I feel like we made the right decision though because the shelter had had another family that wanted a puppy come by and so they were going to call them. The family had a young girl that I know Daisy will love and who will love her. It was probably one of the hardest decisions that I have ever made. We donated all of the things we had gotten for her to the shelter: the food, kennel, toys, treats, etc. They will make good use of them and continue to do good work for animals. I have resigned myself to just having out Betta fish b/c at least I am not allergic to him.
I attended a wedding this afternoon for a very good friend of mine. It's almost strange calling him a really good friend considering we see each other maybe once or twice a year. But he's the kind of friend that you just pick up with where you left off the last time, a kindred soul. I am so happy for him and his new bride and their family. I know they will be very happy together and it was wonderful getting to be there with them.
I went out with my husband tonight after church and had dinner and great conversation. It's amazing how I feel like I love him more every single day. Just when I think it's not possible to love him anymore, my heart capacity gets a little bigger. If more men were as kind and understanding and faithful and willing to compromise and listen as he is; there would be a lot fewer divorces. He makes me want to be a better wife and a better person.
I have another wedding (a renewal really) next weekend for friends who are celebrating their 15th wedding anniversay. I will be singing during the service. It's been a long time since I looked forward to singing with anticipation instead of dread. I know that God gave me this talent and that I should be using it to glorify His name. When I think about it that way, I don't get so nervous and worried that I will mess up. God will love me no matter what. Steve should be there with me during both the church service and the wedding. He switched with another guy that he works with so he will be working tomorrow (Sunday) night and will have Friday night off. We don't get very many Friday nights together so I am looking forward to a date night. And he will be all rested up and able to go to church and the wedding with me.
Now, I believe it is time to go to bed so that I can be rested and awake for church in the morning.
Saturday, July 4, 2009
Birthday
Today is my 27th birthday. So far it's raining but it's supposed to stop by this afternoon so I will hopefully get to see the fireworks tonight. Of course, I would stand outside in the rain if it meant seeing fireworks on my birthday. Mom will be coming up today and dad is supposed to stop by as well. Planning on going to church tonight and am looking forward to that.
Jenn is here and we went out and around yesterday. Got some good pics out on the old bridge. We couldn't go out on it last year because it was still closed down from the flooding.
Now I think I shall get some brunch or something.
Jenn is here and we went out and around yesterday. Got some good pics out on the old bridge. We couldn't go out on it last year because it was still closed down from the flooding.
Now I think I shall get some brunch or something.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Hmm, no title comes to mind...
The spare bedroom is all done. I posted pictures on my facebook page. I just have to take a few more pictures of it completely completed. I am very satisfied with how it turned out and was glad that the room is "green" in that I didn't buy any new furniture but used what I had. The only sort of exception was a chair that I bought at the Salvation Army in Quincy to use as a desk chair. I cleaned it and polished it up and it fits in perfectly. The room is very relaxing and cozy, it will be perfect for guests. We are planning on putting up the door this Sunday after we get back from church. Hopefully it won't take us as long as it did the last one.
I checked out PAW last week but didn't really find any dogs that I thought would work with us. They don't have a lot of small dogs right now, which, I suppose is a good thing because that means they are in homes. So we are going to go down to Rutledge in July and find a beagle or something of that sort. We are both really looking forward to having a pet.
I am taking a "vacation" from June 29th through July 6th. I will be off for eleven days in a row and I can't wait. Mom and I are going to paint the living/dining room on the 29th and 30th. It is the last area that I have wanted to paint and the biggest. With two of us, it should go well. I can't decide if I want to prime it or not, though I know I should. Hopefully Steve will help me tape it off and that will make it go faster. Jenn will be here on the 2nd of July through the 6th. And of course my birthday is on July 4th. It's going to be an exciting and busy week! I am going to go see Wil in Morton on the 26th. I will leave after work and then be back on Saturday, hopefully before church starts. Steve will be off that same week that I have off so that will be nice. I am definitely looking forward to July!
I checked out PAW last week but didn't really find any dogs that I thought would work with us. They don't have a lot of small dogs right now, which, I suppose is a good thing because that means they are in homes. So we are going to go down to Rutledge in July and find a beagle or something of that sort. We are both really looking forward to having a pet.
I am taking a "vacation" from June 29th through July 6th. I will be off for eleven days in a row and I can't wait. Mom and I are going to paint the living/dining room on the 29th and 30th. It is the last area that I have wanted to paint and the biggest. With two of us, it should go well. I can't decide if I want to prime it or not, though I know I should. Hopefully Steve will help me tape it off and that will make it go faster. Jenn will be here on the 2nd of July through the 6th. And of course my birthday is on July 4th. It's going to be an exciting and busy week! I am going to go see Wil in Morton on the 26th. I will leave after work and then be back on Saturday, hopefully before church starts. Steve will be off that same week that I have off so that will be nice. I am definitely looking forward to July!
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Poor Fishies
I got a call on Monday morning from my husband telling me that something had gotten into our pond sometime the night before and eaten our fish. We wondered at first, if they had infact been eaten. Then he found one of the fish minus its head laying in the yard and it was pretty much confirmed. So those pretty fish are all gone, all four of them. We are guessing it must have been a raccoon that got them. It's really the only animal with the dexterity and "tools" to have done so. I guess it at least takes care of me wondering what I was going to do with the fish next winter. I had already decided that I didn't want to have them inside again. The fish tank was just too much of a hassle to take care of (especially after the accident)and I think it made the house smell like fish. So now I am trying to sell the fishtank and get it out of the house. I might get some little goldfish to put in there but maybe not. I definitely am not getting any big ones again because I don't want whatever animal to think there is an available snack all the time.
We are talking again about getting a dog. I think I will stop by PAW today to see if they have any that jump out at me. We need something smallish because it will be inside most of the time. We will just have to see though. At any rate, I will look and see if one of the dogs gets my attention. I realy don't want something yappy so I don't know what kind of luck I will have.
I got the spare bedroom all painted and looking good last weekend. I wasn't sure about the color at first but decided that I would trust myself. I am glad I did because I love the color now. I just have to get a few more things for the room and it will be done. I have a desk up there that I will use for my sewing/crafting but I need a chair to put with it. Then once I get my bed from my mom's house it will all be completed. I was able to reuse all of the furniture in the room so I didn't have to buy anything new (except a chair which will likely come from a yardsale or salvation army). I just painted Steve's old desk and it looks great. I hope it will be a nice place for my guests to stay and for me to do my craft stuff.
We are talking again about getting a dog. I think I will stop by PAW today to see if they have any that jump out at me. We need something smallish because it will be inside most of the time. We will just have to see though. At any rate, I will look and see if one of the dogs gets my attention. I realy don't want something yappy so I don't know what kind of luck I will have.
I got the spare bedroom all painted and looking good last weekend. I wasn't sure about the color at first but decided that I would trust myself. I am glad I did because I love the color now. I just have to get a few more things for the room and it will be done. I have a desk up there that I will use for my sewing/crafting but I need a chair to put with it. Then once I get my bed from my mom's house it will all be completed. I was able to reuse all of the furniture in the room so I didn't have to buy anything new (except a chair which will likely come from a yardsale or salvation army). I just painted Steve's old desk and it looks great. I hope it will be a nice place for my guests to stay and for me to do my craft stuff.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
A long night and early morning
So last night at about nine o'clock or so, I decide that I should make some dinner. I headed down to the basement to get something out of the deep freeze and discover that our basement drain had backed up, badly, and not just water, if you get my drift. So back upstairs I went and woke Steve up telling him that we had a bit of a problem. Bless his heart, he put his boots on and took the plunger and tried to unclog the drain. About a half hour later with no results, I told him that i was going to call a plumber. I tried one here in town that had an ad in the yellow pages claiming 24 hour service. However, I got the voice mail and hung up. I looked through some more and found another one, out of Burlington, that also had 24 hour service. That guy answered and told me it would be about an hour before he could get here. Well, not like I was going anywhere. So I puzzled and fretted about how much this was going to cost us, and what could possibly be wrong for about an hour. The plumber, a very nice man named Tim, arrived at about ten thirty and went to work. Steve decided that the plumber didn't look like a serial killer and thought it would be safe for him to go to work. I agreed. Finally at about midnight he was able to get through and the water drained. Apparently tree roots have gotten into the clay tile that is our sewage drain. So he informed me about how to get the mess cleaned up and sanitized and to attempt to prevent it from happening again. He only charged me a little over $133 which I thought was incredibly reasonable given the time he spent driving here and the time he spent fixing it. I would have gladly paid him twice that much. I managed to get to bed at about 1am which is really late for me these days. Needless to say, the alarm came too early this morning and I had a bit of trouble waking up. So that was last night...
Today most of my appointments cancelled so I was working on getting my licensing paperwork all together. I swear I was on the verge of a panic attack for about an hour while I tried to get all that stuff figured out. I have no idea what I am going to do if, for some reason, I don't have all the necessary classes to sit for the exam. I am trying not to worry about that now and just get all the paperwork done. I wish I would have been aware that EIU had a community counseling program that was aimed directly at what I am doing today. It would have been so much easier than going through the Clinical Psych program and I probably would have learned a whole lot more! Not much I can do about that now.
I went to go see my dad tonight and helped him staple new velco straps on his tray table for his wheelchair. That was entertaining. I did have an easier time with the staple gun than he did, but I do have more leverage of course. So now, I am trying to convince myself to get up and cook dinner and then call people about the church newsletter. If I didn't hound people every month I would never get the information that I need. Very frustrating!
Today most of my appointments cancelled so I was working on getting my licensing paperwork all together. I swear I was on the verge of a panic attack for about an hour while I tried to get all that stuff figured out. I have no idea what I am going to do if, for some reason, I don't have all the necessary classes to sit for the exam. I am trying not to worry about that now and just get all the paperwork done. I wish I would have been aware that EIU had a community counseling program that was aimed directly at what I am doing today. It would have been so much easier than going through the Clinical Psych program and I probably would have learned a whole lot more! Not much I can do about that now.
I went to go see my dad tonight and helped him staple new velco straps on his tray table for his wheelchair. That was entertaining. I did have an easier time with the staple gun than he did, but I do have more leverage of course. So now, I am trying to convince myself to get up and cook dinner and then call people about the church newsletter. If I didn't hound people every month I would never get the information that I need. Very frustrating!
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