Trusting...

I have always been one of those people who thought, "if I want something done right, I have to do it myself". This has, over the years, led me to do a lot more meaningless tasks that I can probably even imagine. One area where I have been really bad at this is trusting that God will take care of me. I have no doubt that I have gotten in my own way, and in His way while he is trying to make something work in my life. I don't believe that if God wants something to happen, that I can truly get in His way, but sometimes I wonder if I don't make it more difficult. I have long since said that God does not whisper to me, he uses a frying pan. I imagine that is a result of me not listening to the whisper first. Even after 14 years of Christianity, I am still constantly amazed when God makes something work in my life. This doesn't meant that everything is always easy of course. I just means that I always have whatever I need in order to get the problem solved.

For instance, I did not have the requirements in order to get licensed so that I can bill all the insurance companies at work. I should have, after finishing a Clinical Psychology master's program. But different states have different requirements so I have found myself in a position of needing to take three additional classes. At first I was overcome with anxiety and fear that this would put my job in jeopardy. This isn't a great time to have to worry about something like that. While I have no idea if my job is/was/could be in jeopardy, I realized that I just have to do my best to correct the problem. I even considered changing my career completely and attending nursing school. But I decided that I could help people in this profession and I shouldn't throw away six years of college work.

So, the first thing I did was plead with all prior professors to do an independent study with me. Well, very few prior professors are left in my program, most have moved on or retired. My prior coordinator is on sabbatical this year and will be out of the country. I exhausted every avenue that I could possibly think of and it didn't work. Despair. So then I started looking at other colleges in my area. WIU has the program and courses that I would need. So I spent the money and applied to the school as a non-degree seeking student. I got my acceptance letter in the mail the day after the last day to add classes for the fall semester. And, despite several attempts, no one ever returned my emails about the specific classes that I should take. Plus, I would have had to drive to Moline to take the classes. Despair yet again. So finally, I prayed in earnest that I would know what to do and that God would make his wishes for my life apparent (basically asking God to bust out the frying pan yet again).

The next evening at Bible study, I was discussing my dilemma with a friend and he simply asked me why didn't I go to Quincy University to complete the requirements. I didn't even realize that QU offered graduate level classes so the next day I looked into it. By the end of that day, I had an email back from the coordinator of adult studies with plenty of information to get me started. I also received information from the professors regarding syllabi needed to provide to the review board to make sure the requirements would be met. At this time, the school has all my information except a wonderful letter of recommendation sent by my prior graduate coordinator which I will put in the mail today. I will be able to take up to 9 credit hours as a non-degree seeking graduate student. I only need 9 hours of graduate work (three classes). Plus, the classes are in the evenings so I will not have to miss work. And Quincy is only about an hour away.

The classes will likely conflict with other things in my life. But I feel confident that it will work out in some way. Perhaps if I had prayed first and not waited for the frying pan, I would have been able to start classes this fall instead of this spring. I haven't yet figured out how I will pay for the classes, but I rest in the assurances of God that I will be taken care of. He will provide for me as He sees fit. I also trust that God will give me the energy and stamina to work full-time and complete classes. Are all my worries and anxieties gone - well no, but I am trying to remember the lesson I have learned here. Listen for the whisper, don't wait for the frying pan!