Unmotivated…..

I feel soooo unmotivated today! I have so much to do and feel so overwhelmed that I don't even know where to start. It's Friday so that's a good thing, but the weekend is full of activities that I have to go to so I don't even get to relax. If I do get some time to myself, I should be catching up on all the work that I have to do. My classes start in a couple of weeks and I am dreading that because of the time and mental space commitment. *sigh* Back to the grindstone for now.

Week 15

Well I suppose I want to blog the whole process, even the bad weeks. It was hard for me to get an accurate weight this week as we were out of town for the weekend and I wasn't able to weigh-in at the normal time. So I am considering this week a wash and saying I didn't lose anything (which is true) and am not sure what I gained (who knows). Hopefully I can get back with the program this week and lose whatever I gained until I can get back to at least what I weighed in at last week. We went to a reunion with a bunch of my college friends and did a potluck and then later went out to dinner with another friend of mine. Needless to say, it was pretty hard to track what I was eating and I definitly splurged. So, for this week:

Weight loss this week: 0.0lbs
Total weight loss: 27.6lbs

Week 14

Not much time today so just a brief update.

Weight loss this week: 1.0 lbs
Total weight loss: 27.6 lbs

(yay!!!)

Week 13

Wasn't sure how this week was going to go. My bday was last weekend so I got a little off track. But starting Tuesday I managed to get it back together and ended up having a pretty good week this week! I have noticed we are walking faster and faster and we are having to go much further in order to get 35mins worth of walking done. I want to chart it out and see how far we are going, though I am guessing about two miles at this point. So the stats for this week are:

Weight loss this week: 2.4lbs
Total weight loss: 26.6 lbs

Week 12 and birthday stuff

This was my birthday weekend and I was really hopefull for losing two pounds this week so I could get to a total of 25lbs by my 28th birthday. Well, it didn't happen, which kinda sucks. But I wasn't able to get the kind of exercise in because a friend was here and she went with us and so we had to go much slower than we typically would. The nice thing was it showed me how much improvement I have made since I started twelve weeks ago. I still had an okay weigh-in, so the stats for this week are:

Weight loss this week: -1.0lb
Total weight loss: 24.2lbs

I did have a good birthday too though. I took Friday off and got a bunch of stuff done and had dinner with my dad that evening. Saturday I sang at church and then there were fireworks that night. We watched them from the front yard. Here are a couple of pics that we took while we were waiting for the fireworks to start.

Me and my hubby


Me and Jenn


My husband got me some beautiful roses for my birthday. He also got me a cross necklace that is gorgeous. I got a few things for the Wii, controllers, a couple games, and a charger for the remotes. We didn't do a whole lot yesterday on my birthday because there wasn't much going on. We did go out to dinner last night which was really nice. I had today off of work and Jenn and I went and did a little shopping. I also took this Friday because Steve has some time off so I will actually get to spend some time with him. Looking forward to that!

Week 11

Good week this week, though I thought I had gotten derailed on Thursday when we had our dinner out. Thankfully I had enough days to fix what I had messed up. So this week...

Weight loss this week: -2.2lbs
Total weight loss: -23.2lbs

Not Being Afraid Anymore

For some reason, over the past few years, my fear of storms has increased exponentially. I am not really sure why this has happened, if it is because our basement just seems to get worse and worse for having water in it and I wonder about it collapsing someday. Maybe it's because I am often home alone (well, with the cat) when the storms are happening. Maybe it's because of the extreme number of storms and amount of rain this year. I guess it doesn't really matter why at this point. What matters is that I have been having pretty bad anxiety over the last few months in direct relation to the storms we have been having. So much that, for the first time in my life, I considered asking my doctor for something that I can take when the anxiety is that bad. It is in comparison to the anxiety that I feel when driving because of my accident last year – and that's some pretty nasty anxiety.

So I finally got to the point that I decided that I didn't want to be afraid anymore. I didn't want something as minor as some rain and thunder to dictate how much sleep I get or how I feel the next day because I haven't gotten any sleep. I am a firm believer that the power of evil (you can call it whatever you want, it exists) capitalizes on our weaknesses, but only if we let it. So I did what you should do in this situation and grabbed the Good Book. A good friend had told me awhile back to read and get to know Psalm 91. I have done so many many times, so that is where I turned this time too. I don't think you can read Psalm 91 and not immediately feel better.

Psalm 91 (NIV translation)

¹He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
²I will say of the Lord, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust."
³Surely he will save you from the fowler's snare and from the deadly pestilence.
⁴He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.
⁵You will not fear the terror of night (my emphasis),
nor the arrow that flies by day,
⁶nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,
nor the plague that destroys at midday.
⁷A thousand may fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand,
but it will not come near you.
⁸You will only observe with your eyes and see the punishment of the wicked.
⁹If you make the Most High your dwelling – even the Lord, who is my refuge -
¹⁰Then no harm will befall you, no disaster will come near your tent.
¹¹For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways;
¹²They will lift you up in their hands so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.
¹³You will tread upon the lion and the cobra; you will trample the great lion and the serpent.
¹⁴"Because he loves me," says the Lord, "I will rescue him;
I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.
¹⁵He will call upon me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble,
I will deliver him and honor him.
¹⁶With long life will I satisfy him and show him my salvation."

So first, I read this to myself, felt a little bit better. Then I read it out loud, and felt even better. Then I read it out loud loudly and felt much better. I know that my life and my fate are in my Savior's hands. Should it be my time, then I will go. And if it is not, I will not. So my goal is to do the best work I can do on this earth until that day happens so that when I get there, I will be worthy enough to deserve hearing, "well done, good and faithful servant". I don't want fear to be a part of the equation anymore. I slept better that night than I have in a long time. I am still working on conquering it, but I know that it will get there and while I will still be cautious, I will no longer be terrified.

My next goal is to get a handle on the anxiety that I feel when driving. That's going to be another mountain to tackle because it involves dealing with the fact that I can't control what someone else is going to do. I believe I will get there though. Regardless of how the insurance screws me over on this whole deal, I will no longer allow it to control my life. I lost a whole year of my life because of the pain that I experienced and the fear. No longer. Period.