Today...

Gotta start someday why not today?
Gotta start some time why not now?!

Here goes nothing!

Motivated?

Like most Mondays it seems, I am feeling motivated to lose weight again. I simply hate how I look, my face is so round and boyish with my short hair cut. I am heavier now than I have ever been in my entire life. I am scared to step on the scale because I really don't know if I can handle the number that it shows me. But on the other hand, I need to know where I am beginning too. I am not a good influence or example for my clients that want to lose weight. Makes me pretty hypocritical to tell them how to lose weight when I am obviously very overweight myself. It felt terrible when a client pointed this out to me. I appreciated the honesty but wow, that brought me down to earth for sure. Since completing my relapse treatment, I have been more active, but compared to what I was doing, that doesn't say much. During the relapse, I didn't do anything because I was so exhausted. I think it became a bit of a habit almost. So, now I am trying to get more stuff done but it just feels hopeless and pointless. I have to mow the yard today so I am forced into exercise. That is not such a bad thing for me. I need to weed my flower garden areas as well but I am scared to kneel for fear that I won't be able to get back up. Will just have to try and go from there.