I know that most of us have many personas that we use depending on what situation we are in. I suppose that I am not the same person at work that I am at home (more relaxed at home for sure). But I would like to think that for the most part - what you see is what you get. I don't really feel compelled to put on a fake act for people to make them believe I am something that I am not. Unfortunately, I also naturally just assume that what I see is what I get with others. It's always a hard crash when I find out that the person has some jerk personality that they show others but are sugary sweet for me.
Because of what I do (mental health therapy) and because of where I live (in the same town that I practice), this often happens a lot. I know that most people tend to present their "good" face at therapy appointments. I expect that because it is often part of the pathology. But when I find out that someone else who is supposed to be a "good person" is also doing it, I am just so disappointed. And because everyone I see is usually related to someone I know this actually happens a lot. It happened yesterday. I heard information about someone that I had perceived one way (based on their behavior) but behind closed doors, he/she acted a different way (critical, judging, etc.). It was a shock when I realized who the person was talking about. Obviously, nothing is ever done with this information because of confidentiality laws. But it makes me guard myself (in my head) with that person. And mostly it's just a disappointment which makes me sad.
I am incredibly imperfect but I don't try to show anything any different. I hope that if someone ever had to describe me, one of their adjectives would be "real". I have made great strides to judge less, gossip less (I have noticed it makes me very uncomfortable to hear gossip), and be kinder and always honest. It's a daily process but I can only change me when it comes down to the truth.
I wish there was a magic pill to increase people's insight I guess.
